🖋️ diary entry #4

 

another very good day! 

little man and baby girl slept in until nearly 10 today, so we had a very late start, which i don't mind at all. we planned on meeting up with my sister and two nieces at a play place not too far from us. we grabbed some mickey d's on the way there (sidenote: snack wraps are sooo good!!)

we got to the area early, so we stopped by a target and took a little looksy at the halloween and fall decor. my son is OBSESSED with halloween and has been ever since he was really little after watching the nightmare before christmas for the first time. he loves pumpkins, ghosts, skeletons, and to dress up. i got him a little $3 ghost toy from the dollar section before we went to finally meet up with my sister. i'd never been to this place before, but it was super cool and my son loved it. i'm definitely going to take him back there soon.

just a short and sweet entry today, nothing crazy. again, i really enjoy logging my thoughts and activities like this. very therapeutic. 

until next time, ciao!!

🖋️ diary entry #3

 

this is the best day i've had this week so far!! i felt emotionally and mentally at peace, and felt super productive and positive. 

we didn't go on a walk this morning because i slept in with baby girl while little man watched numberblocks for a little bit. with the weather we've been having, if i don't get out and in before 9am, it becomes too hot to have the kids outside. so we took it slow, went to 7brew with some free drink rewards, then came home and made breakfast and i started on chores.

i finally tackled baby girl's room today - there were piles of laundry everywhere that needed to be sorted and put up, and i've only got the clothes that need hanging left to do. it feels so good to be able to walk into her room now and not feel overwhelmed. i also got around to little man's room, washing his bedding and putting away his toys. i'll be taking care of his laundry tomorrow now that his room isn't a tornado of a mess. if you can't tell, laundry is my least favorite chore and i have a bad habit of letting it pile up (lol) before i get around to putting it away.

i also felt so much more patient with little man today, especially during times where i would normally lose my cool. it's a matter of me forcibly reminding myself to be calm, give chances, and that he's only 4 and still adjusting and learning. i read some books to him while i rocked baby girl to sleep.

and then the best part of my day happened... A PAYCHECK HIT 🤪 

before i became a sahm, i was contracted to work at a private school for my 3rd year of teaching. unfortunately, it unexpectedly didn't work out for many reasons, and i resigned as a result. but i was a contract employee for 6 days so i got paid for that time, and really it came at just the right moment when i was feeling really stressed about finances and not feeling like i'm contributing to the household. it wasn't much, but it was something to help us so i'm grateful. it meant i could go get groceries a day early (since hubby is paid every friday) and kind of lift some of that financial stress off of his shoulders this week. 

i dropped some clothes and diapers off at goodwill that don't fit baby girl anymore, got a few items at kroger (my sister got me hooked on bloom energy drinks and drizzilicious snacks) and finished up my shopping at aldi. baby girl luckily slept the ENTIRE time, and i had dropped little man off at my parents while i went out just so i could make it a little easier on myself. he got to hang out and go swimming, so he was happy.

so yeah, today was a really good day. my head felt clear, i didn't feel like i was missing the mark on everything. i wish everyday could feel like today. 

until next time, ciao!!

🖋️ diary entry #2

 

it was a fairly good day today <3 i took the kids on a walk this morning before it got too hot and we did the typical mile that i aim for. baby girl didn't nap this time, but was smiling and looking around at the lights and shadows underneath the stroller cover, and little man wasn't too hot and brought along his ghost beanie baby. when we got home, i made little man some bacon and eggs and myself some oatmeal with brewer's yeast and a coffee (i did make some bacon for myself but it was confiscated by a hungry little dude lol). 

now, let me preface this next part by admitting that i am not a very skilled cook. my parents made fairly bland and boring meals growing up, so i didn't have much of an example when i became an adult. so when my husband asked me to cook purple hull peas, i agreed to try... and try i did. i browned some bacon, threw in the peas with some chicken broth, water, and salt, put it on low and figured it was like a crock pot situation. 

well, i was very, very wrong. i left with the kids to go to my parents for a little bit to hang out and print out some preschool activities for little man, and came back to this after a couple of hours:

so, needless to say, my husband was very sad. oops!! my house luckily wasn't smokey but instead smelt like tasty bacon, but i have definitely learned my lesson. i feel bad because it's no longer purple hull pea season, so he'll have to wait until next year to have the dish he wants - but maybe then i'll also be a better cook. that's a goal of mine in general, so this was kind of a wake up call to how inexperienced i really am. this was literally my face when i saw the pot lmao

i took little man and my niece swimming at my parent's house while my mom watched baby girl for a little bit. it was nice getting in the pool during such a bad heatwave, and it was fun getting to be with the kids and have some quality time with them. 

i also felt like i was more patient with little man today than i was yesterday, and did a better job of staying calm with him when my nervous system was literally ringing bells and flashing lights in my brain. i came to the realization that he probably is struggling with splitting my attention between himself and sister, and he does certain things to get my attention again because he's still adjusting to not being an only child. this coincides with my admission in the previous diary entry that i need to make more time to play and teach him, and just give him his mommy time.

i really enjoy putting my thoughts, feelings, and nonsense into this format of a blog. not only does it make me feel more regulated, i also feel like i've accomplished something, even if no one is reading my posts. i don't mind being in an echo chamber, i've been a pretty private and introverted person my whole life. at least here i can express myself anonymously without feeling constrained by other's thoughts and opinions, unlike places like facebook and tiktok where people i know are my followers/friends.

well, until next time, ciao!!

🖋️ diary entry #1

today was a normal day. my daughter had her 2 month appointment this morning and she got her first set of shots - she did as well as a baby could do, but my heart did ache for her when she started crying. my son was there as well, but i couldn't see his reaction to his sister getting shots because i was trying to video it for my husband. my son did ask if his baby sister was going to be sad because of the shots, and i told him yes and that no one likes shots, and he agreed that he did not like them either lol. then we swung through CFA after i found a gift card in my wallet. funds are tight with me not having a job right now, so randomly finding that card was nice, and my son got to have a little ice cream too.

i feel the need to be more present with him. he's 4 and i feel like i've been terrible at spending playtime with him and teaching him basic things for preschool. so, today, i spent a little time with him playing in his room while sister slept. but i still found myself snapping at him for little things and forgetting my patience. i need to bring this up to my pcp when i see her next week for a post-partum conversation. i'll do better with him tomorrow.

baby girl was pretty tuckered out after the shots and slept nearly the rest of the day. once, when she did wake up, she was inconsolable, so i gave her some tylenol per the doctor's instructions, and it really seemed to help ease her pain, as the rest of the night up until bedtime she was much calmer. i'm hoping she won't wake up too much during the night more than normal.

i probably need to keep finding and applying to jobs tomorrow, even though i really don't want to return to work just quite yet. i didn't put my son into daycare until he was a year old and even then i worked at the daycare, so he had me with him still until he was about 2.5, then he went to another daycare without me when i started a new job. so, the idea of sending my daughter into daycare so young and without me... it tears me apart. i just can't do it. i want to wait until at least a year like i did with my boy, even if it means we have to be on tight budgets until then.

i'm not sure what i'm planning on doing tomorrow. laundry is definitely on my list, as it is literally everyday, and i really need to tidy up baby's room so it can actually be functional. i did my son's room last week and purged things and organized, and i did my closet a few weeks ago, so now it's time for her room. but i'm lazy XD i might go over to my parent's house for a little bit too, just to hang out. it can feel lonely here at the house with the kids, but i also hate feeling like an intrusion when i go over there. but at least i'll get some adult interaction and give my boy some time to play with his cousin, maybe even go in the pool.

well, that's all i've got for today. i don't know if i'll do the diary entries daily, but i think they will be very often as this is new and exciting to me, even if no one is reading it. it feels therapeutic, which isn't surprising to me since i've always been one to journal my thoughts and feelings.

until next time, ciao!!